Euro-English

When working in a multi-national company such as Red Hat, there are always problems with understanding the languages spoken by all employees. Recognising the problem this poses to business, the European Commission has taken steps to standardize on English across Europe:

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English
will be the official language of the European nation rather than German
which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her
Majesty’s Government conceded that English spelling had some room for
improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would become
known as “Euro-English”.

In the first year, “s” will replace the soft “c”. Sertainly, this will
make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard “c” will be dropped in
favour of the “k”.
This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the
troublesome “ph” will be replaced with the “f”. This will make words
like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expected
to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have
always ben a deterent to akurate speling.
Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent “e” in the languag
is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing “th”
with “z”and “w” with “v”. During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary “o” kan be
dropd from vords kontaining “ou” and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a
reil sensibl riten styl..
Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu
understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru !

NB, in case anyone was wondering, this is a joke. I hope!